everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
