I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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