So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
