The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
