Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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