I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
