saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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