if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
