Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
