I think im going to throw up on grandma
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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