I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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