o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
