lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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