This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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