Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
