omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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