He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
