u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
