I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
