Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
