She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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