it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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