Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
