So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
