I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
