billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
