He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
