How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
