And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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