my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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