It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The air taste purple.
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