i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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