hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
