loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
