Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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