my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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