My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
