I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
