Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
