Ambien. No doubt about it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
