I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
