I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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