I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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