i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
