Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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