So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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