She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
