So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
