Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
