I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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