TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
