I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize