Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
