I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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