Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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