carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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