I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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