Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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