I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
