my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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