ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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