I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
