Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
