if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
