I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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