the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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