I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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