Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
