I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
