If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
