He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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