Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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