just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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