I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
