i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
