Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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