i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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