I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
