WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
