My Higher Power is John Stamos
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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