i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize