how can u be prego again
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
