you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
