My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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