Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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