and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
