Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
