he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
